Two sides to every story

Today I wanted to make the whole day about the kids.  We needed some good quality time together.  We forgot the chores and went out for the day.  I have a lot on my mind and plate so sometimes it's nice to set that aside.  I was able to do that until I over heard a conversation at the park.  I didn't mean to, but it was right next to me.

I was sitting enjoying the sunshine when a father and two children showed up.  I heard the way he tenderly took care of his young son and the encouragement he gave to his daughter.  As they ran off to play, he took a phone call. 

The bits and pieces that floated to me was what sounded like the conversation one would have when trying to settle a divorce.  Not wanting to pry, I really tried to dive into my smart phone.  Well, it didn't help.  Our paths kept crossing as our little ones wanted to do the same thing. 

I developed a mental picture of this family's situation all I heard was his side.  I heard someone who was very calm.  I heard him validate, what I assume is his wife, her concerns and then voiced his own.  Throughout the conversation I heard him very calmly and rationally handle what I was imagining an emotional and upset tirade on the other end of the line. 

All through this time, I imagined myself on both sides.  I am more emotional and imbalanced than I want to be so I can definitely relate to the upset woman on the other side.  I could also hear the sound reason coming from the struggling father.  I can relate to that too.

So why this post?  Why write about someone's heartache?  It made me sad.  It made me think about all the marriages that I know of in my small life that ended up in "failure".  What brought them to this point.  What selfishness and pride brought the both of them and others to the point of tearing the family apart?  I ache for those kids.  I ache for the parents.  I ache for the dad who seems like he is trying his best.  I bet she is too.

It made me reflect on the things that I have in my control that can make my marriage and family life a little better.   How is it that Satan can grab such a hold of hearts and twist them till there is no blood left to bleed?  When that happens willpower and strength are gone.  Hope is replaced with darkness and fear. 

How do I combat this?  How do I muddle through the dark murky water that seems to be surrounding me?  How do I find the strength to fight even harder for my family? 

I realized in watching this family disintegrate before my eyes how important it is to put your family above everything else.  To let the little things go.  It's not worth the suffering on the other end. 

There is hope in the Savior Jesus Christ.  His plan is the plan of happiness.  There is a way back no matter what.  Repentance is real and the atonement was made for every sin, but more importantly for every heartache, suffering, grief or sorrow.  For every disappointment, trial, and times of loneliness and abandonment.  I want him to hold my heart and give it life. 

He he knows both sides of the story can heal each side. 

Following the Signs

I have many thoughts flit through my head that I think would be great analogies for a talk or even to write them down.  Do I?  Rarely.  This blog idea came a long time ago.  I attached it to my family blog intending to not really advertise that it's here but use it more for those thoughts.  In a way, it's almost more a journal for my head.  All those things that I think I will remember but don't.  Let's hope I remember to write them down in here!

Here is one of those random thoughts that I actually wrote down in my phone. 

I love to travel.  I love the thrill of the new place.  The adventure of getting through an airport.  I love to people watch and often get caught up in the immensity of everyone needing to go to a different place.  Each have their own worries, troubles, triumphs, expectations.  It amazes me that there are so many individuals that have specific needs and there is a Father that knows. Each. One. 

I was traveling sans my many kids and husband, something I secretly really  enjoy.  I arrived in my destination following signs to the baggage claim area.  The airport was under major construction so it looked like a constant tunnel as you navigated through.  I am a "sign reader" so I don't stress too much if I don't know my way.  Almost always your destination is marked with some way to get you there.

I was waiting for the train to get me to where I needed to go and a woman approached me with apparent worry and concern.  She asked me if this was the way to baggage claim.  I assured her that it was and showed her the sign above her head.  I could tell she didn't quite want to let go of the worry and concern based off my testimony alone so I explained in detail the sign that she was reading.  Eventually I saw the concern around her eyes relax.  Her shoulders dropped down and she said a grateful thank you. 

I thought about our conversation for the rest of my trip.  I thought about all of the people who do not have the gospel in their own lives and don't have signs to follow.  Those signs that assure that even amongst chaos and destruction, we can still find our way.

I truly believe that I often take my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for granted.  I wake up every morning with knowledge of who I am, why I am here, and where I am going after this life.  I have the assurance that I will see my infant daughter again.  I don't often recognize the blessing that I have of the fullness of the good news.

The signs that I am most grateful right now are: a living prophet, the scriptures, and prayer.

The living prophet:

Currently I am struggling with many burdens that have years of work left in them.  I find myself constantly trying to shift around the load so that I can make it a little more comfortable.  I try to plant my legs so that my back can bear the heavy load.  Often times I feel like my feet have been planted in quick sand and I find that I am sinking in despair. 

President Monson is a man of optimism.  I hear his voice in my head as I start to sink "The future is as bright as your faith."  I hear his voice talk about the many blessings that we enjoy both as members and as a society. 

I have a constant inner battle with myself as I know certain things are true but then doubt other aspects.  President Monson said, "Faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other."  So true.  

With a living prophet at the helm, I don't have to stress about missing some of the signs along my journey.  I just have to listen, believe, and act.

The Scriptures:

 There is a power in daily reading of the scriptures.  Such a simple thing to do.  A few minutes out of my day to stop and read God's word brings such tremendous strength into my life.  

I am starting to realize that there are universal human behavior that each person struggles with.  Pride, anger, impatience, envy, entitlement... the list can go one.  Each trait is portrayed in the scriptures.  It shows in detail the beginning, middle, and end of what happens when you choose to follow the signs leading back to our Father and when you choose not too.  It is pretty black and white.  

I am constantly amazed at how the scripture prophets can speak straight to my soul.  Sometimes the words that they wrote in their anguish was what I was feeling in mine.  Their faith, courage, and commitment buoy me up.  I see what holding on a little longer can do for you.  Miracles.  

Following the signs in the scriptures help me keep this life in perspective.  It keeps my thoughts elevated to something better.  Eternal life.

Prayer:

I have a love/hate relationship with prayer.  This is an area that I feel I haven't quite mastered yet.  Kneeling makes me light headed.  If I don't kneel I feel like a slacker.  I don't like speaking out loud, and yet when I do, words often tumble out of my mouth that I had never thought to say before.  

I say prayers all day in my head.  Quick thank you's up to heaven or prayers for a burst of strength or patience.  The morning prayers often suffer because of the immediate responsibilities that wake me in the morning and my evening prayers often end up in dreaming because I am exhausted from the days work.  

So.  Recognizing that prayer is an essential sign to follow in my life I continue to establish a better habit of  "pour your heart out" kind of prayer.  I feel cleansed when I am finished.  I often feel at peace.  Sometimes the words are hard to come and yet that is when I feel my Advocate come between me and the Father to speak that words that won't flow.  It truly is a powerful experience.  

Prayer is a direct link to heaven.  I often want to feel heaven near.  To feel my daughter who passed.  Maybe I should be putting my effort in my link to heaven.  

I wonder how many times I come to the Father with worry and concern written all over my face and the sign is right above my head pointing the way I should go.  I would like to rely on my heavenly signs with ease just like I do when I travel.  A knowledge that they are everywhere.

My life is constantly under construction just like the airport I went through.  Sometimes it is dark with tunnels and other times I arrive at destinations where it is bright and sunny.  My journey through life is littered with signs all around me.

All I have to do is look up.