Plight of the Bumblebee

I was getting dressed and I heard the very loud unmistakeable buzzing of a bee.  He was flying to the top of my vaulted ceiling constantly bumping his poor nose trying to climb higher. 

I watched for a few minutes and decided to open my window (it has no screen) to see if it would notice the flux of air that entered the room.  After a minute or two it went to the closed side, then flew a few inches away from its freedom, then flew back up to the top of my ceiling.  In a way I sensed the bee's frustration as logically it makes sense to push higher to find freedom.  It even kept trying to navigate the only danger in the room, a rotating ceiling fan, to see if that would find relief.  Of course it did not and sometimes the bee found itself hurtling towards the glass. 

I continued watching the plight of this bee, willing it to go towards the window.  He got close one more time and then zoomed back towards the ceiling.   After watching for several minutes, I needed to get on my way, I still found myself thinking of how often I must do exactly as this bee.

I often logically want to do things that make sense to me.  Sometimes, it works.  Other times, I find myself doing exactly what Einstein tells us not to do when solving a problem.  He said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."  I am often insane!  Just like the bee I keep bumping my head on the ceiling trying to find a solution to my problems, when in reality I can tell it's not working.  

After bumping along it can be tempting to drift toward the dangerous fans of life.  To let down my guard a little bit and "take a break"... I deserve it.  I find myself being tempted to solve my problems by the world's standards then I too find myself hurtling towards a place I don't want to be.  

How many times do I receive inspiration and am inches away from being free of a problem that weighs me down and then I zoom back to what I was doing before.  My faith not any more stronger than when I started.  

I wonder if the Father watches me with all my vigor, strength, and energy that I put into my day bouncing around, doing my best to soar for the day, and he is willing me fly to the open window of faith.  Of true prayer.  

My current plight is my lack of faith in prayer.  Can it really help me?  Can it really make that much of a difference in my day?  I am ashamed to admit that I have felt those promptings that it can and I haven't truly acted.  I believe then I echo that of the father with the crippled son, "Help thou my unbelief".  

In our broadcast for Stake Conference on Sunday, Tad Callister mentioned an analogy that stuck with me.  In racketball, if you hit the ball slowly against the wall, it will come back slowly.  If you drive the ball to the wall, it will drive back at you with almost the same velocity.  So it is with prayer.  The Father wants nothing more than to bless you with his choicest blessing.  It's my effort that is standing in the way. 

Don't get me wrong.  I pray.  I pray all the time.  In my heart, with my children, with my family.  I have many conversations with my Father in Heaven and I feel Him directing my life.  The prayer I am talking about is the deep, soul searching prayers that seem to come only when my heart can't take anymore.  I don't want to have to get to that point to have those kinds of prayers.  

So.  Back to the bee.  I left and shut my bedroom door behind me hoping that the bee would find it's freedom.  When I came home he was gone.  I don't know that kind of effort that finally went into his "Aha" moment but I do know that he finally escaped.  

Am I running faster than I have strength because I am trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?  The Father is willing me to my knees, to my open window to freedom of these heavy burdens.  He can make them light.  I just need to stop bumping my head.